...that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters
I'm still getting used to the feeling of seeing so clearly the ways that I have changed over the past year and a half or so. Maybe it's because a lot of them have been fairly large scale. And for me, in my fairly short life of being a fairly happy person, I can safely say I can't remember a time when I've been happier. My family is good and healthy and happy, school is going well and I am actually having some fun and making new friends, and even learning a thing or two somewhere in there. My spiritual life has never been so rich and full, and never have I wanted to keep going down the rabbit hole, as it where. Some things of note that have happened recently.
I've lost over 30 pounds since October, and hope to lose at least 120 over the next year or two. While I am addressing a need to get some weight off quickly, I have also begun changing my lifestyle so that weight will not be such an issue. If weight loss is addressed again, it will be 30 pounds or so and not 150 pounds or so.
School is no longer laborious anymore. I'm having a blast, and my classes are fun and interesting to me again. I really do enjoy telling people about what classes I'm taking, and sometimes revel in the fact that I have to explain them because the name of the class leaves them with somewhat of a blank stare. I sometimes wonder who the first person will be to ask the first thought that I know usually pops into their head, "What is that and how the hell is that ever going to help you in life(a.k.a. get a job)." On that note, feel free to read about a class I'm really excited about next semester by going here: http://www.barnard.edu/reacting/index.html
I've actually learned a few thing on the guitar, and can pick up easy songs fairly easily. I can now pick up a guitar and play two or three songs from memory. Now if I can only start to play bar chords...
Discernment is moving at a slow speed, sometimes even sluggish. I think this is by design, and I'm ok with that. Sometimes it is very obvious when someone is called to be ordained, and the process can be spread out. But most times not. Sometimes are harder than others when going at this speed, but I do accept it a fact, as well as the right way to go about it. I think discernment has been factor in a lot of the changes that have happened recently, and for that I am grateful. I am cofident that God has led me to walk this path, and no matter the ending, things will be wonderful. I would like to extend an open invitation to anyone and everyone who would like to talk with me about anything related spirituality and faith and that kind of stuff (now referred to as God and shit, as deemed appropriate by Kelly Hudlow and myself) and my discernment. What do you think about it? What do you think about it in conjuntion with me? I invite agreement and (maybe even especially) disagreements, becaue those are allowed too. Until then...
The blind will see, the deaf will hear, the dead will live again. The lame will leap, the dumb will speak, the praises of the lamb.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The marketers of freedom and the prophetiers of doom, the last 6,000 years they say the end is coming soon
But until then I keep smiling. Let my family and friends show the best of what this world can be.
This post is a reflection on Module 9 of the Community of Hope handbook: Coping with Loss
Everywhere we look nowadays, it seems that death is always there. In the news, with our friends and family; you just can’t seem to be able to get away from it. Newspapers always have pages filled with people who have died. It is also disheartening to see that many of the people listed are middle aged and younger. And to make things worse, most of what is reported focuses on the Good Friday aspect of death, with little mention of the Easter aspect. Yes, the ones we know and love have or will die, and it is sad knowing that we will no longer see their body or hear their voices like we used to. So yes, there is some Good Friday there. But Easter wins. Like Jesus, we are given new life. We meaning all of us: you, me, the asshole who cut you off while driving, and the list goes on. I feel you get the point.
Now let me step away from the pulpit. This subject can bring on some heavy conversation, as it did some in discussion during our Community of Hope session. Death is not an easy subject deal with, much less talk about openly with a group. But it does need to be dealt with from time to time, because death does happen. Odds are that if it hasn’t already happened, someone close to you will die in your lifetime. It’s happened to me. And I know it sounds a bit morbid of me to put it so frankly. But for me that is a good first step to take in my thoughts and beliefs on death: tell myself the honest truth that death is real and is going to happen to every living thing anywhere. One of the first points brought up in this lesson is that in order to effectively provide pastoral care to someone experiencing the death of a loved one, we must know our own stance on death. We must know what we think, and cipher through feeling like fear of death, and be able to, if we are asked, to give a personal viewpoint. And even when we aren’t asked, it helps to know where you yourself are coming from. My feelings and beliefs on death are fairly simple as far as feelings and beliefs go. I am very aware of my mortality. I will probably die sooner than I want, but live longer than I deserve. As it pertains to the afterlife, I know where I probably deserve to go, but also know where I will go because I believe in a God with love and patience and compassion and forgiveness so deep that it is impossible for me to understand while on earth. My beliefs are better rooted because of my experiences with death. My uncle died the Monday before Thanksgiving when I was a sophomore in high school, and one of my best friends that I had known since kindergarten died a year and a half ago. I still miss them both very much, and it still hurts a little because of that void. But the feeling is not constant anymore, and while I do still miss them both dearly, I know they are in a state of eternal Easter Sunday in heaven. And while I have no plans of dyeing anytime soon, I can’t wait to join the party.
"Life goes on until it ends, but don't stop living until then."
This post is a reflection on Module 9 of the Community of Hope handbook: Coping with Loss
Everywhere we look nowadays, it seems that death is always there. In the news, with our friends and family; you just can’t seem to be able to get away from it. Newspapers always have pages filled with people who have died. It is also disheartening to see that many of the people listed are middle aged and younger. And to make things worse, most of what is reported focuses on the Good Friday aspect of death, with little mention of the Easter aspect. Yes, the ones we know and love have or will die, and it is sad knowing that we will no longer see their body or hear their voices like we used to. So yes, there is some Good Friday there. But Easter wins. Like Jesus, we are given new life. We meaning all of us: you, me, the asshole who cut you off while driving, and the list goes on. I feel you get the point.
Now let me step away from the pulpit. This subject can bring on some heavy conversation, as it did some in discussion during our Community of Hope session. Death is not an easy subject deal with, much less talk about openly with a group. But it does need to be dealt with from time to time, because death does happen. Odds are that if it hasn’t already happened, someone close to you will die in your lifetime. It’s happened to me. And I know it sounds a bit morbid of me to put it so frankly. But for me that is a good first step to take in my thoughts and beliefs on death: tell myself the honest truth that death is real and is going to happen to every living thing anywhere. One of the first points brought up in this lesson is that in order to effectively provide pastoral care to someone experiencing the death of a loved one, we must know our own stance on death. We must know what we think, and cipher through feeling like fear of death, and be able to, if we are asked, to give a personal viewpoint. And even when we aren’t asked, it helps to know where you yourself are coming from. My feelings and beliefs on death are fairly simple as far as feelings and beliefs go. I am very aware of my mortality. I will probably die sooner than I want, but live longer than I deserve. As it pertains to the afterlife, I know where I probably deserve to go, but also know where I will go because I believe in a God with love and patience and compassion and forgiveness so deep that it is impossible for me to understand while on earth. My beliefs are better rooted because of my experiences with death. My uncle died the Monday before Thanksgiving when I was a sophomore in high school, and one of my best friends that I had known since kindergarten died a year and a half ago. I still miss them both very much, and it still hurts a little because of that void. But the feeling is not constant anymore, and while I do still miss them both dearly, I know they are in a state of eternal Easter Sunday in heaven. And while I have no plans of dyeing anytime soon, I can’t wait to join the party.
"Life goes on until it ends, but don't stop living until then."
Monday, November 8, 2010
"I don't think about whether people will remember me or not."
"I've been an o.k. person. I've learned a lot. I've taught people a thing or two."
This post is a reflection on Module 5 of the Community of Hope handbook: Prayer Christian Meditation and Silence.
I don't know if it was planned or not, but this lesson of our class came at a time that coincided with what Jesus was talking about each Sunday in the Gospel. I believe the Gospels for the weeks before, during, and after all involved prayer and how we are to go about doing it. I enjoyed listening and learning about what is considered right and not so right about our personal prayer lives and it made me think about mine, and how I may deepen it and therefore deepen my relationship with God. I also was again reminded that prayer is not simply kneeling down and with a preset list of things you would like to ask God for. God is not simply a Santa Claus that you can talk to year round. Yes, God would love to hear about your needs and problems, what you’re struggling with, and any and all sins you would like to repent for(and even those you don’t want to repent for). I am not saying God cannot be a Santa Claus type role sometimes, but it would be a shame, dare I say almost a sin, to limit Him/Her in such a way.
When I think about what prayer is, I usually don’t think about it so much as prayer in conventional terms like those mentioned above. My definition of prayer is a continuous conversation with God. Even though it is short, I think it means a lot. A least to me it does. The element of it being a conversation helps me remember the reality of it; the fact that even though God is more powerful than I or anyone else could ever imagine, it does not mean we are not worthy of conversation. Thinking of similarities in my mind, I often know that world leaders, movie stars, or CEOs of large companies rarely seem to take time to just have a conversation with someone. For me it brings the reality and truth that God is metaphorically always sitting at a Starbucks with coffee for both of us ready to talk about whatever I want.I am also reminded of this when I go to church on Sunday, and the first the priest usually says is something to the effect of “The Holy Eucharist continues on page 355 of the Book of Common Prayer.” This reminds us that it is not a one time a week thing, that Jesus does not come and go as we please. He is always there, never ceasing to live in us, die for us, and rise again for us. And that, to me, is very powerful and gratifying. And if He can do that for me, surely I can make an effort to try and talk to Him often.
"That's what's important."
This post is a reflection on Module 5 of the Community of Hope handbook: Prayer Christian Meditation and Silence.
I don't know if it was planned or not, but this lesson of our class came at a time that coincided with what Jesus was talking about each Sunday in the Gospel. I believe the Gospels for the weeks before, during, and after all involved prayer and how we are to go about doing it. I enjoyed listening and learning about what is considered right and not so right about our personal prayer lives and it made me think about mine, and how I may deepen it and therefore deepen my relationship with God. I also was again reminded that prayer is not simply kneeling down and with a preset list of things you would like to ask God for. God is not simply a Santa Claus that you can talk to year round. Yes, God would love to hear about your needs and problems, what you’re struggling with, and any and all sins you would like to repent for(and even those you don’t want to repent for). I am not saying God cannot be a Santa Claus type role sometimes, but it would be a shame, dare I say almost a sin, to limit Him/Her in such a way.
When I think about what prayer is, I usually don’t think about it so much as prayer in conventional terms like those mentioned above. My definition of prayer is a continuous conversation with God. Even though it is short, I think it means a lot. A least to me it does. The element of it being a conversation helps me remember the reality of it; the fact that even though God is more powerful than I or anyone else could ever imagine, it does not mean we are not worthy of conversation. Thinking of similarities in my mind, I often know that world leaders, movie stars, or CEOs of large companies rarely seem to take time to just have a conversation with someone. For me it brings the reality and truth that God is metaphorically always sitting at a Starbucks with coffee for both of us ready to talk about whatever I want.I am also reminded of this when I go to church on Sunday, and the first the priest usually says is something to the effect of “The Holy Eucharist continues on page 355 of the Book of Common Prayer.” This reminds us that it is not a one time a week thing, that Jesus does not come and go as we please. He is always there, never ceasing to live in us, die for us, and rise again for us. And that, to me, is very powerful and gratifying. And if He can do that for me, surely I can make an effort to try and talk to Him often.
"That's what's important."
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
"The more we get together, together, together, the more we get together the happier we'll be."
"Cause your friends are my friends, and my friends are your friends."
I am convinced that someone who works as an assistant to Father Time has accidentally hit the fast forward button. The days and weeks speed by and sometimes all I can do is just hold on. Luckily, I've learned that most of the time, holding on is simply not enough. This semester has been a whirlwind of things I am doing. I remember thinking not to long ago that I didn't have very many life stories to tell people when catching up with someone. I loved hearing about how someone had traveled over there for a semester, or gotten involved with this great program that is doing a lot of good, or how school wasn't 100% boring all the time. And I loved hearing about them, but I didn't enjoy telling people that I hadn't been anywhere, or done anything as remotely excite as what they had done. Not too terribly long ago, I was not so much hanging on to life as watching it go by, waiting for my opportunity to do something, anything.
I've changed, though, especially over the last several months and year. I've gotten out of that rut now, though. I've stopped waiting for my opportunity and decided to go find it. I'm teaching myself to play the guitar, and actually learning a little bit. I have sign language for a class this semester. Yes, you heard right, I am getting credit towards my degree with a class in sign language. My faith is growing every day in ways I couldn't have imagined.
On the subject of church, I am in a class offered by Canterbury (my church and Tuscaloosa home) called the Community of Hope. It is a class offered to teach people to be lay pastoral caregivers. If all works out, which it probably will, I will be getting college credit for this too as an independent study. As part of that, I will be writing responses to some of the lessons through this blog. Just thought you might like to know.
I also think you should know that life is good. Not just for me, but for everyone, you included. That's not to say that it's always easy, or that there isn't some sadness sometimes, or that there aren't some terrible people out there, but if you are reading this, know that life is good, and that you should smile every chance you get, if for no other reason than because I asked you to, and because my heart will be smiling back at you.
"The more we get together the happier we'll be."
I am convinced that someone who works as an assistant to Father Time has accidentally hit the fast forward button. The days and weeks speed by and sometimes all I can do is just hold on. Luckily, I've learned that most of the time, holding on is simply not enough. This semester has been a whirlwind of things I am doing. I remember thinking not to long ago that I didn't have very many life stories to tell people when catching up with someone. I loved hearing about how someone had traveled over there for a semester, or gotten involved with this great program that is doing a lot of good, or how school wasn't 100% boring all the time. And I loved hearing about them, but I didn't enjoy telling people that I hadn't been anywhere, or done anything as remotely excite as what they had done. Not too terribly long ago, I was not so much hanging on to life as watching it go by, waiting for my opportunity to do something, anything.
I've changed, though, especially over the last several months and year. I've gotten out of that rut now, though. I've stopped waiting for my opportunity and decided to go find it. I'm teaching myself to play the guitar, and actually learning a little bit. I have sign language for a class this semester. Yes, you heard right, I am getting credit towards my degree with a class in sign language. My faith is growing every day in ways I couldn't have imagined.
On the subject of church, I am in a class offered by Canterbury (my church and Tuscaloosa home) called the Community of Hope. It is a class offered to teach people to be lay pastoral caregivers. If all works out, which it probably will, I will be getting college credit for this too as an independent study. As part of that, I will be writing responses to some of the lessons through this blog. Just thought you might like to know.
I also think you should know that life is good. Not just for me, but for everyone, you included. That's not to say that it's always easy, or that there isn't some sadness sometimes, or that there aren't some terrible people out there, but if you are reading this, know that life is good, and that you should smile every chance you get, if for no other reason than because I asked you to, and because my heart will be smiling back at you.
"The more we get together the happier we'll be."
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
"And it spread into my heart."
"And it spread into my home...and it spread into my soul where there are no lines separating the truth from the lie."
I can feel the fire burning inside, compelling me to share. Somehow life has a way of constantly changing people people into something else. Like introverts into extroverts. Or maybe introverts into less introverts. I will be optimistic and say that I think most people change into something better, but not be naive and say that is always the case. The fire I feel growing inside me can only be described as that of the Holy Spirit. I feel that the, as Joshua would put it, divine spark is steadily growing into an uncontrollable wildfire. This is one fire I do not want to put out, though. This fire is burning to get out, to spread to others through sharing, teaching, and growing with others. I want to grow in Christ with other people. Laugh with them, cry with them, celebrate with them, and learn with and from them. It takes three main components to have a fire: fuel, heat, and air. With fuel and heat from the Trinity, now all I need is air. I need my fire to be free to spread to others. I feel the calling to ordination, so that my light may spread to those who need it. So that my fire, divinely driven, can spread.
"And it spread into the world...and it spread into the world."
I can feel the fire burning inside, compelling me to share. Somehow life has a way of constantly changing people people into something else. Like introverts into extroverts. Or maybe introverts into less introverts. I will be optimistic and say that I think most people change into something better, but not be naive and say that is always the case. The fire I feel growing inside me can only be described as that of the Holy Spirit. I feel that the, as Joshua would put it, divine spark is steadily growing into an uncontrollable wildfire. This is one fire I do not want to put out, though. This fire is burning to get out, to spread to others through sharing, teaching, and growing with others. I want to grow in Christ with other people. Laugh with them, cry with them, celebrate with them, and learn with and from them. It takes three main components to have a fire: fuel, heat, and air. With fuel and heat from the Trinity, now all I need is air. I need my fire to be free to spread to others. I feel the calling to ordination, so that my light may spread to those who need it. So that my fire, divinely driven, can spread.
"And it spread into the world...and it spread into the world."
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
"I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad..."
"Carry you around when your arthritis is bad,"
Is it weird if you are able to see yourself slowly growing up in front of your own eyes? I see this happening to me, especially in the last few days and weeks. I see myself growing spiritually and intellectually. Time management is imperative for me to get done what I need and want. Things sem to be moving faster than ever. Classes, meetings, appointments, bad jokes, more classes and meetings, things that need to be organized. I have emails to respond to almost daily, things that i need to make sure are getting done by someone, books to read (mostly required now, some not), papers to write and events to attend. One sign to me that world is changing is that I have to put almost everything in my calender so that I will remember what to do and when to do it. I can remember some things that happen regularly, like classes and church services, but not much more after that. My social schedule seems to be slowly giving way to things I am involved with in school and church and my fraternity. Shooting pool has now become a one night event, where as it was easily a 3 or 4 night event a few years ago. I briefly went through a stage of sleeping in until 11 a.m. or so, but now my internal clock now wakes me at or before 9:15, whether I'm tired or not. Maybe this growing up and being responsible thing isn't as bad as I imagine. I'll always have my jokes. And Toys R' Us.
"All I wanna do is grow old with you."
Is it weird if you are able to see yourself slowly growing up in front of your own eyes? I see this happening to me, especially in the last few days and weeks. I see myself growing spiritually and intellectually. Time management is imperative for me to get done what I need and want. Things sem to be moving faster than ever. Classes, meetings, appointments, bad jokes, more classes and meetings, things that need to be organized. I have emails to respond to almost daily, things that i need to make sure are getting done by someone, books to read (mostly required now, some not), papers to write and events to attend. One sign to me that world is changing is that I have to put almost everything in my calender so that I will remember what to do and when to do it. I can remember some things that happen regularly, like classes and church services, but not much more after that. My social schedule seems to be slowly giving way to things I am involved with in school and church and my fraternity. Shooting pool has now become a one night event, where as it was easily a 3 or 4 night event a few years ago. I briefly went through a stage of sleeping in until 11 a.m. or so, but now my internal clock now wakes me at or before 9:15, whether I'm tired or not. Maybe this growing up and being responsible thing isn't as bad as I imagine. I'll always have my jokes. And Toys R' Us.
"All I wanna do is grow old with you."
Friday, July 30, 2010
"When I get older, I will be stronger."
"They'll call me freedom, just like a waving flag."
If you could know your own future, till the time that you die, would you want to know? Right now, for me the answer is yes. At least on the surface. I think deep down inside, I know that the answer is no. Well, really, deeper down inside I know that my future is not written, and therefore the ending changes all the time. For instance, two years ago my ending involved me being an engineer and making lots of money and all that. And 20 years ago, I'm sure my parents had some kind of plan for me. I hope I've lived up to their expectations so far. What a confusing age to be at, at least for me. I'm sure lots of my friends are confused too, and that we're not the first ones to get confused about this whole life business. Sometimes when I'm by myself in this big ol' church I have to much time to think and worry too much. I know that I need to keep on truckin' and that I will (hopefully) end up where I'm supposed to be.
Free will has been on my mind a lot lately, and I'm not sure what got me started on it. I hear phrases all the time like "God has a plan," and "It was meant to be," but was it? I'm sure God does have a "best case scenario" book written, which explains how things should be and what He really means. But if you think about it, if we are living word for word what God has planned out, then do we really have free will? Are we in control? I know for some people would be scared shitless if they found out they were not in control of their life. If you are one of those people and you are reading this now, take heart. For what it's worth, I believe that free will exists and that we can still make up our own minds. I believe that God has put us here with a particular set of skills, and gives up the opportunity to use them every day. We have the choice to use them or be unhappy most of the time.
Another point to bring up is that if we believe God has some kind of plan that He is executing, then He's kind of a jerk for making all this bad stuff. And if you follow any kind of religion, then you do not believe that God is in any way shape or form evil, nor is He responsible for evil.
I'd love to have a long conversation with a few people about this subject. Until then...
"I heard them say, love is the way, Love is the answer, that's what they say, But look how they treat us, Make us believers."
If you could know your own future, till the time that you die, would you want to know? Right now, for me the answer is yes. At least on the surface. I think deep down inside, I know that the answer is no. Well, really, deeper down inside I know that my future is not written, and therefore the ending changes all the time. For instance, two years ago my ending involved me being an engineer and making lots of money and all that. And 20 years ago, I'm sure my parents had some kind of plan for me. I hope I've lived up to their expectations so far. What a confusing age to be at, at least for me. I'm sure lots of my friends are confused too, and that we're not the first ones to get confused about this whole life business. Sometimes when I'm by myself in this big ol' church I have to much time to think and worry too much. I know that I need to keep on truckin' and that I will (hopefully) end up where I'm supposed to be.
Free will has been on my mind a lot lately, and I'm not sure what got me started on it. I hear phrases all the time like "God has a plan," and "It was meant to be," but was it? I'm sure God does have a "best case scenario" book written, which explains how things should be and what He really means. But if you think about it, if we are living word for word what God has planned out, then do we really have free will? Are we in control? I know for some people would be scared shitless if they found out they were not in control of their life. If you are one of those people and you are reading this now, take heart. For what it's worth, I believe that free will exists and that we can still make up our own minds. I believe that God has put us here with a particular set of skills, and gives up the opportunity to use them every day. We have the choice to use them or be unhappy most of the time.
Another point to bring up is that if we believe God has some kind of plan that He is executing, then He's kind of a jerk for making all this bad stuff. And if you follow any kind of religion, then you do not believe that God is in any way shape or form evil, nor is He responsible for evil.
I'd love to have a long conversation with a few people about this subject. Until then...
"I heard them say, love is the way, Love is the answer, that's what they say, But look how they treat us, Make us believers."
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
"The people who are trying to make this world worse...are not taking a day off."
"How can I?"
Man, what a time I've had the past month or so.. I've been to North Carolina, then to Camp for Special Session, then to Florida with family. Tomorrow I return to Camp to volunteer for Junior High II, a session for 7th and 8th graders.
[For info on Jenny and Jimmy's wedding, see previous post]
Special Session was wonderful, as it always is. This is the first time I've been able to go since 2007, and I didn't realize how very much I missed it and the people involved. I felt like I really got to know a lot of the campers pretty good this year, and I think a lot of the first years, they had a great time. There's so much to say, so many memories that flood back, every time I start to think of that week. Here's an idea: maybe instead of me writing a 5 page paper right here right, maybe you should just come visit me and I can tell you all about it. Or, if you were there with me, we can reminisce about it together.
Florida was everything I expected it to be. Maybe a bit more crowded that I'm used to, but still wonderful all the same. I got to see a lot of family that I don't get to see very often. People came and went throughout the week. Maximum, we had 19 people between two houses, minimum 11. We spanned 3 generations and 65 years. And believe it or not that isn't even half of my mom's side of the extended family. Geez. The sand was as white as I remember, the water clearer than you know. And the sun was bright and hot and shining for almost the whole time. Why did we leave so soon?
Well in a few short weeks things will be back to routine. Classes, football games, and (hopefully) some kind of job.
Fair winds and following seas.
"Light up the darkness."
Man, what a time I've had the past month or so.. I've been to North Carolina, then to Camp for Special Session, then to Florida with family. Tomorrow I return to Camp to volunteer for Junior High II, a session for 7th and 8th graders.
[For info on Jenny and Jimmy's wedding, see previous post]
Special Session was wonderful, as it always is. This is the first time I've been able to go since 2007, and I didn't realize how very much I missed it and the people involved. I felt like I really got to know a lot of the campers pretty good this year, and I think a lot of the first years, they had a great time. There's so much to say, so many memories that flood back, every time I start to think of that week. Here's an idea: maybe instead of me writing a 5 page paper right here right, maybe you should just come visit me and I can tell you all about it. Or, if you were there with me, we can reminisce about it together.
Florida was everything I expected it to be. Maybe a bit more crowded that I'm used to, but still wonderful all the same. I got to see a lot of family that I don't get to see very often. People came and went throughout the week. Maximum, we had 19 people between two houses, minimum 11. We spanned 3 generations and 65 years. And believe it or not that isn't even half of my mom's side of the extended family. Geez. The sand was as white as I remember, the water clearer than you know. And the sun was bright and hot and shining for almost the whole time. Why did we leave so soon?
Well in a few short weeks things will be back to routine. Classes, football games, and (hopefully) some kind of job.
Fair winds and following seas.
"Light up the darkness."
Monday, June 7, 2010
"There are angels in your angles"
"There's a low moon caught in your tangles"
"Hey, what are you doing this weekend?" "I don't know. What do you have in mind?" (because if someone asks you that, they probably already have something in mind for you to do) "Well Jenny is getting married this weekend in North Carolina, and we were wondering in if you wanted to go." "I don't know. I mean, yea, I want to go, but I don't really have gas money to get there." (While at the same time thinking "Who decides on Friday morning to drive from the West Alabama to Central North Carolina for the weekend? Surely not this introvert) "Well what if I told you gas would be covered?" "Well," (no, my room has even more filth that usual and needs to be cleaned, my car needs to be cleaned and has little to no air conditioning, I will miss church on Sunday, I should save what little money I have...) "yea why not. Let me take a nap before I go."
That was my conversation with Grace around 9:30 or so while I was at work. So at 8 that night, I left for Huntsville to pick up Charles, and then to Chapel Hill. The drive there was good. I got to drive through the mountains at sunrise, and the beauty was so magnificent that no picture could do it just. We got there around 9 in the morning, and then preceded to pass out.
The wedding was fantastic. Jenny looked beautiful. Jimmy (the groom) looked slick. I was the only guy not wearing a suit and tie, but I was comfortable. I sure when people look back at the wedding, no one will remember that I was so rude as to not dress up as much.
10264 pictures were taken, 536 dances danced, alcohol consumed in a way that only Episcopalians can do, and enough hugs to make Barney jealous. I think I could use a few more spontaneous activities in my life, although I might need some help with that. Feel free to encourage me. Until then...
"Here's a hand to lay on your open palm today"
"Hey, what are you doing this weekend?" "I don't know. What do you have in mind?" (because if someone asks you that, they probably already have something in mind for you to do) "Well Jenny is getting married this weekend in North Carolina, and we were wondering in if you wanted to go." "I don't know. I mean, yea, I want to go, but I don't really have gas money to get there." (While at the same time thinking "Who decides on Friday morning to drive from the West Alabama to Central North Carolina for the weekend? Surely not this introvert) "Well what if I told you gas would be covered?" "Well," (no, my room has even more filth that usual and needs to be cleaned, my car needs to be cleaned and has little to no air conditioning, I will miss church on Sunday, I should save what little money I have...) "yea why not. Let me take a nap before I go."
That was my conversation with Grace around 9:30 or so while I was at work. So at 8 that night, I left for Huntsville to pick up Charles, and then to Chapel Hill. The drive there was good. I got to drive through the mountains at sunrise, and the beauty was so magnificent that no picture could do it just. We got there around 9 in the morning, and then preceded to pass out.
The wedding was fantastic. Jenny looked beautiful. Jimmy (the groom) looked slick. I was the only guy not wearing a suit and tie, but I was comfortable. I sure when people look back at the wedding, no one will remember that I was so rude as to not dress up as much.
10264 pictures were taken, 536 dances danced, alcohol consumed in a way that only Episcopalians can do, and enough hugs to make Barney jealous. I think I could use a few more spontaneous activities in my life, although I might need some help with that. Feel free to encourage me. Until then...
"Here's a hand to lay on your open palm today"
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
"People laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at them because they're all the same"
Some quotes I've seen around, mostly coming from people's facebook pages.
"We can ignore, but nowhere evade, the presence of God"
"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."
"Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero."
"It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor."
"The choices we make dictate the lives we live."
"God bless the whole world, no exceptions."
"Why does it have to be divine or human? Why can't divine be human?"
"Of course it's in your head, but why does it mean that it can't be real?"
"We all smile in the same language and for that I am grateful..."
"People matter regardless of their faults, regardless of their insecurities."
"Live simply. Speak honestly. Love completely"
"We are called in love, by Love, to love."
"Ask not what the world needs. Ask what makes it come alive, and then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
"Someday after we have mastered the winds, the waves, and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love; and then for a second time in the history of the world, human beings will have discovered fire."
"Be gentle as doves and wise as serpents"
"It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well."
"We can ignore, but nowhere evade, the presence of God"
"And forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair."
"Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero."
"It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor."
"The choices we make dictate the lives we live."
"God bless the whole world, no exceptions."
"Why does it have to be divine or human? Why can't divine be human?"
"Of course it's in your head, but why does it mean that it can't be real?"
"We all smile in the same language and for that I am grateful..."
"People matter regardless of their faults, regardless of their insecurities."
"Live simply. Speak honestly. Love completely"
"We are called in love, by Love, to love."
"Ask not what the world needs. Ask what makes it come alive, and then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
"Someday after we have mastered the winds, the waves, and gravity, we will harness for God the energies of love; and then for a second time in the history of the world, human beings will have discovered fire."
"Be gentle as doves and wise as serpents"
"It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well."
Sunday, February 14, 2010
" After the song finished, I said something."
"I feel infinite."
Have you ever read The Perks of being a Wallflower? If you haven't, I highly recommend you do. Now. I feel like a lot of my life right now is in that book. The good and the not so good. How is it that people manage to write about my life without even know knowing me. Divine Inspiration? Maybe I'll ponder that one a little more.
I got received in the Episcopal Church today. And it was good. I think this is a change for the better in my spiritual life. Although there are some things I will miss from the Catholic Church (like the music every week, for example) I feel like the Episcopal church is where I belong. No more seeming strict guidelines. No more of forcing me to agree with the church on every subject that may come up (fundamental beliefs aside). No more "Catholic Guilt" (I'm almost over that). "I don’t even remember the season. I just remember walking between them and feeling for the first time that I belonged somewhere." My whole family made it down to Tuscaloosa this weekend, which I wasn't expecting. It was really nice to be able to see everyone together outside of the two times a year that usually happens. I did realize that the events where all six of us are together are usually church events, namely Easter and Christmas. Confirmations, weddings, and, inevitably, funerals. All things celebrated and blessed by the church. I have had the thought several times that I would love it if I got to celebrate Eucharist as a priest with any and all of my family sitting together in the pews, no matter the occasion.
Valentine's day is today. My 21st and counting as a single person. And I'm o.k. with that. I've thought about love and have come to the conclusion that I'm o.k. being single. I am by no means saying that I have given up on love altogether, but I'm fine where I'm at right now. I've gotten passed society's pressures of having to get married just because that's what single people do. If Mrs right comes along, then cool. But for now, single it is.
I think right now is a good place to mention how great a person Kee Sloan is. If you have not have the pleasure of meeting him, I would highly advise it. He is on my list, which I just happen to make up, of 10 people that you would want to have a conversation with. It's hard to describe how his presence is so uplifting. If you get to know him, even a little, you will probably understand. Sometimes just the thought of him can make you want to be a better person. and not in the sense that he makes you feel like you're going to hell because you're a bad person. More in the sense that you want to strive to be that kind of person for other people too. I think that I can better be that type of person if I were a priest, though probably not as good. "I was driving home, I thought about the word “special.” And I thought the last person who said that about me was my aunt Helen. I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think everyone is special in their own way. I really do."
I have more on my mind, but I'll share that with you soon. Here's to feeling infinite.
"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."
Have you ever read The Perks of being a Wallflower? If you haven't, I highly recommend you do. Now. I feel like a lot of my life right now is in that book. The good and the not so good. How is it that people manage to write about my life without even know knowing me. Divine Inspiration? Maybe I'll ponder that one a little more.
I got received in the Episcopal Church today. And it was good. I think this is a change for the better in my spiritual life. Although there are some things I will miss from the Catholic Church (like the music every week, for example) I feel like the Episcopal church is where I belong. No more seeming strict guidelines. No more of forcing me to agree with the church on every subject that may come up (fundamental beliefs aside). No more "Catholic Guilt" (I'm almost over that). "I don’t even remember the season. I just remember walking between them and feeling for the first time that I belonged somewhere." My whole family made it down to Tuscaloosa this weekend, which I wasn't expecting. It was really nice to be able to see everyone together outside of the two times a year that usually happens. I did realize that the events where all six of us are together are usually church events, namely Easter and Christmas. Confirmations, weddings, and, inevitably, funerals. All things celebrated and blessed by the church. I have had the thought several times that I would love it if I got to celebrate Eucharist as a priest with any and all of my family sitting together in the pews, no matter the occasion.
Valentine's day is today. My 21st and counting as a single person. And I'm o.k. with that. I've thought about love and have come to the conclusion that I'm o.k. being single. I am by no means saying that I have given up on love altogether, but I'm fine where I'm at right now. I've gotten passed society's pressures of having to get married just because that's what single people do. If Mrs right comes along, then cool. But for now, single it is.
I think right now is a good place to mention how great a person Kee Sloan is. If you have not have the pleasure of meeting him, I would highly advise it. He is on my list, which I just happen to make up, of 10 people that you would want to have a conversation with. It's hard to describe how his presence is so uplifting. If you get to know him, even a little, you will probably understand. Sometimes just the thought of him can make you want to be a better person. and not in the sense that he makes you feel like you're going to hell because you're a bad person. More in the sense that you want to strive to be that kind of person for other people too. I think that I can better be that type of person if I were a priest, though probably not as good. "I was driving home, I thought about the word “special.” And I thought the last person who said that about me was my aunt Helen. I was very grateful to have heard it again. Because I guess we all forget sometimes. And I think everyone is special in their own way. I really do."
I have more on my mind, but I'll share that with you soon. Here's to feeling infinite.
"And in that moment, I swear we were infinite."
Monday, January 25, 2010
"Here is my secret. It is very simple:"
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
I have successfully found the source of one of the best feelings in the world. Contacting a charitable organization and telling them you would like to donate a large sum of money. I get to do that with seven groups this week. The money came from parking cars during the college football season. In total, we donated $8,500 to eight groups. For more info, I'd be glad to talk to you in person about them, or fundraising in general. If you need any help raising money, give me a call and I'm sure we can figure something out.
School is off to a pretty good start. I'm still adjusting a little bit to having reading for homework instead of math or physics problems. The discussions are also completely different. Opinions and feeling are more involved, and not so much anymore hard proven facts. I hope I still have an opportunity to learn in both ways.
Things I've started and hope to finish (new year's resolutions, if you will):
-Losing weight. It's just got to happen. Feel free to haggle me to make sure I've gotten outside for a little bit each day.
-Learning to play the guitar. I think it could be a lot of fun. And can you say 'chick magnet' (assuming I can muster up the voice to go with it).
That's all for now. I've got some reading to do.
"What makes the desert beautiful," says the little prince, "is that somewhere it hides a well."
I have successfully found the source of one of the best feelings in the world. Contacting a charitable organization and telling them you would like to donate a large sum of money. I get to do that with seven groups this week. The money came from parking cars during the college football season. In total, we donated $8,500 to eight groups. For more info, I'd be glad to talk to you in person about them, or fundraising in general. If you need any help raising money, give me a call and I'm sure we can figure something out.
School is off to a pretty good start. I'm still adjusting a little bit to having reading for homework instead of math or physics problems. The discussions are also completely different. Opinions and feeling are more involved, and not so much anymore hard proven facts. I hope I still have an opportunity to learn in both ways.
Things I've started and hope to finish (new year's resolutions, if you will):
-Losing weight. It's just got to happen. Feel free to haggle me to make sure I've gotten outside for a little bit each day.
-Learning to play the guitar. I think it could be a lot of fun. And can you say 'chick magnet' (assuming I can muster up the voice to go with it).
That's all for now. I've got some reading to do.
"What makes the desert beautiful," says the little prince, "is that somewhere it hides a well."
Saturday, January 16, 2010
"The winter days, they last for ever..."
...but the weekends go by so fast
Well classes started this past week. They are going well so far. Plenty of reading assignments and papers to look forward to. Nothing to mentally challenging as far as I can tell. At least not the kind I'm used to. I’ve been riding my bike and/or walking to class, which is good because I need to lose some weight. I’m still happy being me, but me just needs to lose weight, plain and simple
Things seem to be going well right now. Canterbury seems to be running fairly smoothly. No issues to speak of. Just a church doing what churches do. My fraternity (Theta Tau) has gotten off on a good foot this semester. We recently initiated five pledges. Things are more organized than they have been in a while. The family is good as far as I can tell. No news is good news, right?
I am going to be received in the Episcopal Church next month. It feels right in my heart, which I tend to follow a lot. Most times my head just gets in the way, usually messing up my train of thought.
That’s all for now.
"I hope that they're not laughin' too loud when they hear me talkin' like this to you."
Well classes started this past week. They are going well so far. Plenty of reading assignments and papers to look forward to. Nothing to mentally challenging as far as I can tell. At least not the kind I'm used to. I’ve been riding my bike and/or walking to class, which is good because I need to lose some weight. I’m still happy being me, but me just needs to lose weight, plain and simple
Things seem to be going well right now. Canterbury seems to be running fairly smoothly. No issues to speak of. Just a church doing what churches do. My fraternity (Theta Tau) has gotten off on a good foot this semester. We recently initiated five pledges. Things are more organized than they have been in a while. The family is good as far as I can tell. No news is good news, right?
I am going to be received in the Episcopal Church next month. It feels right in my heart, which I tend to follow a lot. Most times my head just gets in the way, usually messing up my train of thought.
That’s all for now.
"I hope that they're not laughin' too loud when they hear me talkin' like this to you."
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
"Time moves slow when you're 17..."
...then it picks up steam at 21."
Do you ever have times when you get grumpy or angry for completely no reason? Little things seem to bother you when they usually wouldn't? Well that's me right now. I'm grumpy and can't tell you why. Maybe it's because I'm starting to get a cold (don't worry mom, I picked up some medicine today). Maybe I'm getting a little cabin fever and need to get out. Maybe it's just PMS :). I usually find myself grumpy when I'm woken from a good nap. Sometimes, like now, I'm just grumpy. maybe being in a good mood and telling jokes for 98% of life entitles me to just be grumpy to myself sometimes. I need to find something to work on, to keep my mind busy. Maybe I'll actually clean my room tonight.
A snake walks into a bar. Wait, what?
"Even times that don't seem like much will be your only crutch when you're alone"
Do you ever have times when you get grumpy or angry for completely no reason? Little things seem to bother you when they usually wouldn't? Well that's me right now. I'm grumpy and can't tell you why. Maybe it's because I'm starting to get a cold (don't worry mom, I picked up some medicine today). Maybe I'm getting a little cabin fever and need to get out. Maybe it's just PMS :). I usually find myself grumpy when I'm woken from a good nap. Sometimes, like now, I'm just grumpy. maybe being in a good mood and telling jokes for 98% of life entitles me to just be grumpy to myself sometimes. I need to find something to work on, to keep my mind busy. Maybe I'll actually clean my room tonight.
A snake walks into a bar. Wait, what?
"Even times that don't seem like much will be your only crutch when you're alone"
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