"I ain't gonna fear no pain anymore."
Well I just got out shower. Go figure. For those of you that don't know, I was in a wreck a couple weeks ago. I'm o.k., just a bruise from the seatbelt that's almost gone now. My car is pretty banged up, but not unrepairable. Shit happens sometimes, but life goes on and is not bad.
When I first thought back on the events leading up to the wreck, it interested me to think of the small events leading up to that moment. If one small thing changes, the whole event changes, or maybe altogether never happens. I guess I just got stuck on thinking about the butterfly effect and choas theory. It's an interesting theory which you should look into. Maybe evan watch the movie, too. It makes for an interesting discussion, but I digress.
So during my thoughts in the shower, my mind eventually settled on my wreck at some point, and then later on settled here, on this blog. And somehow, the two met. My last blog I guess I was stuck on waiting and wondering where I'm supposed to fit in this world. Low and behold, the very next day God sent a not so subtle sign that I'm where I'm supposed to be right now. In a wreck that could have very easily killed someone, He shined the light, headlights I guess, on the facts. I get it now. So I plan to stay on the path I'm on, no matter how unclear it may be.
"God won't do me wrong. God won't do me wrong, this I know."
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
"Jesus is my rock..."
"...and he rolls my blues away"
Why is waiting so hard sometimes? I would say for the most part, I don't mind waiting, and often times do it all to well (a.k.a. procrastination). But there are some occasions where I find myself constantly wanting to jump the gun, per say, find the end result, get whatever I'm gonna get. Buying things is where this is a good example of how I do this sometimes.
I am feeling that now in regards to going to seminary. I can feel it more and more everyday that I want to be a priest. The more I look into it, the more it seems like what I want to do with my life. Where most might find it weird to quite literally live in a church, I don't mind it at all. I think it has probably strengthened my convictions. As far as my undergrad degree is concerned, I am ready to pursue the priesthood. And as I try to look forward, plan out the next few years, at a certain point in the near future I hit the proverbial wall.
The process for becoming a priest in the Episcopal Church in Diocese of Alabama (and other Dioceses, I'm assuming) is a bit different. It's called the discernment process. To make a long story short, a lot of it is putting the decision in other people's hands. Through the priest and bishops and committees and all the other people that are talked to during this process, it seems sometimes that it just takes one of them to think that you're not "good enough," and the whole thing is over. You tell your story to all these people, and for some reason, they see that being a priest is probably not for you, which to me feels like I'm being told "Sorry, but you're not good enough." I don't know about you, but for me, being told that your dream may not be right for you would suck on a major level. Rationally thinking, I know that if I'm told that being a priest if not for me, most of my thoughts thus far are totally unjustified. Just because being a priest may not be right for me does not mean I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean that I fail at life, or that whoever made that decision is going to judge me. It still feels that way sometimes though. At least to me.
Discernment is a long process. Please keep me in your prayers as I continue my journey.
"Well Jesus gonna love you and baby that's a fact"
Why is waiting so hard sometimes? I would say for the most part, I don't mind waiting, and often times do it all to well (a.k.a. procrastination). But there are some occasions where I find myself constantly wanting to jump the gun, per say, find the end result, get whatever I'm gonna get. Buying things is where this is a good example of how I do this sometimes.
I am feeling that now in regards to going to seminary. I can feel it more and more everyday that I want to be a priest. The more I look into it, the more it seems like what I want to do with my life. Where most might find it weird to quite literally live in a church, I don't mind it at all. I think it has probably strengthened my convictions. As far as my undergrad degree is concerned, I am ready to pursue the priesthood. And as I try to look forward, plan out the next few years, at a certain point in the near future I hit the proverbial wall.
The process for becoming a priest in the Episcopal Church in Diocese of Alabama (and other Dioceses, I'm assuming) is a bit different. It's called the discernment process. To make a long story short, a lot of it is putting the decision in other people's hands. Through the priest and bishops and committees and all the other people that are talked to during this process, it seems sometimes that it just takes one of them to think that you're not "good enough," and the whole thing is over. You tell your story to all these people, and for some reason, they see that being a priest is probably not for you, which to me feels like I'm being told "Sorry, but you're not good enough." I don't know about you, but for me, being told that your dream may not be right for you would suck on a major level. Rationally thinking, I know that if I'm told that being a priest if not for me, most of my thoughts thus far are totally unjustified. Just because being a priest may not be right for me does not mean I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean that I fail at life, or that whoever made that decision is going to judge me. It still feels that way sometimes though. At least to me.
Discernment is a long process. Please keep me in your prayers as I continue my journey.
"Well Jesus gonna love you and baby that's a fact"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)