"...and he rolls my blues away"
Why is waiting so hard sometimes? I would say for the most part, I don't mind waiting, and often times do it all to well (a.k.a. procrastination). But there are some occasions where I find myself constantly wanting to jump the gun, per say, find the end result, get whatever I'm gonna get. Buying things is where this is a good example of how I do this sometimes.
I am feeling that now in regards to going to seminary. I can feel it more and more everyday that I want to be a priest. The more I look into it, the more it seems like what I want to do with my life. Where most might find it weird to quite literally live in a church, I don't mind it at all. I think it has probably strengthened my convictions. As far as my undergrad degree is concerned, I am ready to pursue the priesthood. And as I try to look forward, plan out the next few years, at a certain point in the near future I hit the proverbial wall.
The process for becoming a priest in the Episcopal Church in Diocese of Alabama (and other Dioceses, I'm assuming) is a bit different. It's called the discernment process. To make a long story short, a lot of it is putting the decision in other people's hands. Through the priest and bishops and committees and all the other people that are talked to during this process, it seems sometimes that it just takes one of them to think that you're not "good enough," and the whole thing is over. You tell your story to all these people, and for some reason, they see that being a priest is probably not for you, which to me feels like I'm being told "Sorry, but you're not good enough." I don't know about you, but for me, being told that your dream may not be right for you would suck on a major level. Rationally thinking, I know that if I'm told that being a priest if not for me, most of my thoughts thus far are totally unjustified. Just because being a priest may not be right for me does not mean I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean that I fail at life, or that whoever made that decision is going to judge me. It still feels that way sometimes though. At least to me.
Discernment is a long process. Please keep me in your prayers as I continue my journey.
"Well Jesus gonna love you and baby that's a fact"
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Even more than marriage, being a priest is a life changing commitment. So don't think of it as being judged, think of it as planning a life together.
ReplyDeleteFirst you have a couple of dates, maybe discuss your dreams and ambitions. Then you talk about more serious issues, how you feel about each other, how each of you will change the other.
You've seen (in family and friends) how much real work goes into a marriage - this is just the beginning of a life long commitment.